Smelling Like a Rose

Smelling Like a Rose

Song of Solomon 1:3 Because of the aroma of your aromatic oils you have a reputation for pouring on cologne, therefore the young women love you. (GMR)

The Lord did a curious thing when he made man for the first time. He had already created all the animals, but he wanted to show that man was not just another superior animal.

If you compare the mating patterns of animals and man, you see some interesting “opposites”.

The first is that in animals, the male is the one endowed with great beauty, which is used to attract the female, who is usually very plain and unattractive. Of course in humans it is the other way round. The woman is the one who carries the beauty and the man is always attracted by sight.

The other difference between man and the animal kingdom is that in animals, the male is attracted to the female by smell. If you have ever had a female cat or dog as a pet you will know that when the female comes on heat, there is a smell they give out which attracts every male in the vicinity.

Now although perfume is usually considered mostly a female thing, the truth of the matter is that women are more attracted to a man by the way he smells than the other way around. In fact, most women wear perfume more for their own benefit than for the man. The smell makes them feel lovely and releases their femininity.

The verse above is an interesting one, because it shows that even in the time of Solomon, the aromatic oils that he wore as a cologne gave him a reputation amongst the ladies.

Cosmetic companies have discovered and try to major on a discovery that certain ingredients in a male cologne have a powerful effect on human females. They call them pheromones. I used to think that this was just a farce, but there is too much evidence that these substances do have an effect on women.

Of course the worldly approach is to advertise these products as a means to men obtaining sexual goals.

The sense of smell is a very selective thing, and each person has their own “smell template”. So do not assume that any cologne is acceptable. For both men and women, there is smell that becomes your personal signature or identity to your partner.

Do you have a template smell for your husband or wife? Is there a certain cologne or perfume that you love on your partner? You might find that whenever you smell that odor you think of your partner.

If you have not both identified your favorite kind of smell, then work on it, and find out which kind of smell your partner prefers. Then learn to use the sense of smell to draw closer to each other.

Perfume and cologne are not just something you put on to get rid of the smell of body odor, although that is a good reason to wear them. If you have a problem with smelling bad when you get hot and sweat, then you should always have some handy.

But the most wonderful thing about putting on something that smells nice is that it puts your partner in the mood for getting closer to you. And you will be amazed how a little cologne could get your wife to show more interest in sex.

Once you have found the smell your spouse likes, why not wear it often, and especially, why not wear it when you come to bed. You might find your love life suddenly becoming more exciting. The smell alone can put each of you in the mood for love.

Give it a try and see what happens. Especially you guys. Women are suckers for the right smell. Try it out on your wife.

Beauty and The Breast

Beauty and The Breast

Song of Solomon 8:10 I [am] a wall, and my breasts like towers: then was I in his eyes as one that found favour.(GMR)

Proverbs 5:18 Let your fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of your youth.
19 Like a loving deer and a graceful roe; let her breasts satisfy you at all times; and be intoxicated always with her love.(GMR)

What is it about a woman’s breasts that make them so special? Is it perhaps the fact that as a baby we found in them comfort, satisfaction and security? It is difficult to tell, but the fact still remains.

There is a power in the breasts that affects any man.

Why is it then that many women, as they mature and their breasts begin to show, tend to hide them away instead of showing them forth proudly? Is it a sinful thing for a woman to display the assets that the Lord has given to her?

Certainly to do so in a way that stirs up lust and wrong desires in a man is not something a Christian woman should be doing. For a married woman this part of her body is reserved especially for her husband.

But for the single woman, it is one of her greatest beauty assets, and a shapely figure which displays the curves of her breasts is one thing that will surely draw attention from members of the opposite sex. It is the way God made us.

For those who are married, you should never try to put down the importance of the woman’s breasts. And as a wife you should not see your husband’s desire to fondle or caress your breasts as something simple. It is a very profound thing.

This act alone, like kissing, can bring a unity between a husband and wife in an almost magical way. If done correctly in tender love, it can be a very satisfying experience which greatly heightens your love making.

For a man, the very act of caressing his wife’s breast can bring forth a deep satisfaction that can melt away his cares and make him feel like a little baby again, resting securely in his mother’s arms. It touches a deep need that many other things cannot do. And it can take place without a word being said.

For a woman, there can be both a sensation of pleasure if her breasts are sensitive to being stimulated, and a sense of intimacy. When a woman lies in her husbands arms as he caresses her, she can experience a sense of protection and belonging, as she lies securely in his arms.

The woman in the Song of Solomon expresses her delight at this experience in the following verses:

Song of Solomon 2:6 His left hand [is] under my head, and his right hand embraces me.(GMR)

Song of Solomon 8:3 His left hand [should be] under my head, and his right hand should embrace me.(GMR)

But the passage that expresses clearest the effect that this has on the man, is the one that says:

“be intoxicated always with her love.”

This wonderful part of love making is better than getting high on alcohol. And it is something that a husband and wife should be enjoying frequently.

For many men, the experience is one of having an occasional sip of wine. This will never ever get you to a place of being intoxicated.

For many women, it is an uncomfortable experience, because they feel ‘used’ by their husbands instead of loved.

Why not learn to flow together in this. Imagine the wonderful experience if you both consider each other. The man is tender and loving as he caresses and fondles the breasts of his wife. The wife allows herself to bask in the pleasure of his touch.

As you do this together you will learn to meet each other’s needs in a special way that will draw you closer to each other than ever.

How often should you do it? Whenever you desire – as long as you are not in public, or you might draw the wrong attention. (smile)

The Language of Love

The Language of Love

Song of Solomon 1:15 You look so beautiful, my love; you are really lovely; your eyes are like doves.
16 You are not only handsome, my lover, but you are also charming: and our bed is green like a flourishing garden. (GMR)

What do you say to each other during moments of intimacy?

When you are in that place of being really close, and nobody else is around? When your feelings are a bit like you are drunk, and you allow yourself to move into a world of fantasy and pleasure, what comes out of your mouth?

When you play with a child you often say things in a way that sounds like a child. How often have you seen a grown man acting like a little child in order to entertain his little son or daughter?

So how do you talk when you are all alone with the one person who has the power to bring you into a place of pleasure and where you can just “be yourself”?

What words do you speak to your lover in the moments of intimacy? Or is it just a matter of satisfying your physical needs and then falling back to go to sleep, like a baby who has just had a good meal at the breast?

Then, what are the words that you would love to hear from the mouth of the one your love during those moments of intimacy? Most of us would never dare to demand or suggest what we expect our lover to say to us. But we all secretly hope to hear the words that will make us feel good about ourselves.

A lot of the time we say things that we would not say in normal conversation. That is ok. It is a time to whisper ‘sweet nothings’ to the one you adore. It is time to say some of the corny things you might never dare to say at other times.

How important are words? They have the power to change our desires and actions. Even the world knows this, and it is a well-known fact that a man will often use the same ‘pick up lines’ to get a woman to respond to him.

So what does your woman want to hear that will make her melt into your arms and submit herself willingly to your advances? What will make her think that you are the most wonderful man in the world?

And what does your man want to hear that will make him want to go out and conquer the world for you? What will make him think that you are most wonderful woman he has ever known?

Solomon gives us many different examples in the Song of Solomon. It is amazing to hear what the loving couple say to each other. Some of the things sound really corny and weird, and perhaps we do not understand because we did not live during that time.

But the clearest words of all are to be found in the passage above. Here you see the intimate expressions of love of both the woman and the man to each other.

The husband tells his wife that she is beautiful. Every woman needs to hear this. Nobody really feels beautiful in themselves. And yes, it is true that she is not the most beautiful woman in the world. She knows that she is full of flaws. But she wants to be lovely in the eyes of the one she loves.

Must you lie to say this to her? Are you lying when you tell her she is the most beautiful woman in the world, when it is clear that there are millions of more beautiful woman all around you? Not at all, because beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And to you she should indeed be the most beautiful woman in the world.

To you, her voice should be the most beautiful sound you have ever heard. There should be at least one thing about her looks that really impresses you. And if you have to really look you will find something.

To Solomon it was clearly the eyes of his lover that impressed him the most. We are not sure what he meant when he said her eyes were like doves. But obviously it was a big compliment to her, because she responded positively back to him.

Is it only a woman who needs to be told that she is lovely? No, a man would also like to think that to his wife he is a pretty good looking guy, and that she sees in him things that she does not see in other men.

The woman here tells her man that she thinks he is both good looking and charming. And then she makes a reference to their bed being green like a flourishing garden. This was her way of saying, “You are the most wonderful lover.” And this, to a man, can be the highest possible compliment.

Every man would like to think that the way he makes love to his wife is special. He would like her to think that he is the most wonderful lover in the world. And of course the truth of the matter is that he is likely nowhere near the image of the great lover. We will see later how you can change this.

But there is something in a man that makes him want to do everything in his power to make his woman happy. He will climb the highest mountain if she inspires him to do so. And her words to him can ignite a fire in him that is not easily quenched.

Are you unhappy about your love making experience? Has it become boring, and something you just do to satisfy your animal cravings? Or it is a time of pleasure far greater than any other experience in life?

If you want to bring things to life, try choosing words of blessing and admiration. Find something in your lover that you really admire and cherish, and tell it to them continually. If you feel a bit awkward doing this that is ok. But if you go ahead and do it anyway, you will soon find that you become more comfortable with it, and you really mean it from your heart.

And the end result? You might just find that your spouse gets to enjoy it so much that they want to do it more often. And instead of begging and pleading for your marital rights, you might find yourself drowning in a wonderful pool of daily love making that makes your marriage a true heaven on earth.

So what do you say?

Try saying some things and see what happens.

The Power of a Kiss

The Power of a Kiss

Song of Solomon 1:2 Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for your love [is] better than wine. (GMR)

Song of Solomon 4:11 Your lips, O [my] bride, drop [as] the honeycomb: honey and milk [are] under your tongue; and the fragrance of your garments [is] like the smell of Lebanon. (GMR)

You see them everywhere!

The young lovers who walk around holding hands, giving each other a hug, and every now and then stopping to kiss briefly.

Perhaps such signs of public affection make you feel uncomfortable. Perhaps you have forgotten how wonderful it was to be in love for the first time.

The question I would like to ask you now is this: “How often do you and your spouse kiss each day?”

Do you give a quick goodbye kiss in the morning? A hello kiss when he gets home in the evening?

The second question I would like to ask is: “What kind of kisses do you give each other?”

Are they just a quick pressing of the lips together, or is there a greater interaction between you when you join your lips?

Does that kiss still excite you and send shivers down your spine? Does it still make you feel like you are floating on the clouds?

Solomon told us here in the Song of Solomon that kisses are better than wine. Well what is so good about wine? It is not only the smooth, sweet taste of a good wine that you enjoy, but the wonderful feeling it gives you as the contents get into your blood.

When is the last time you got “high” on the kisses of the one you love? Do you spend time expressing your love in this way until you begin to feel light headed?

How should you kiss? What is the right way to do it? Do you have to ‘get it right’ to show what a wonderful lover you are?

The maiden in the passage above simply says that she loves the kisses of the mouth of her lover. They make her high like wine, only much better. Does this give you the impression of a quick peck on the lips? It sounds to me like a whole lot of kisses repeated over and over until the emotions soar.

The man expresses his impressions in more detail. He says that her lips are like honeycomb. Have you ever tried to eat honey from the comb? You have to really suck it out if you do not want to chew the wax.

He describes her lips like honeycomb dripping with honey, and then he also describes her tongue as having milk and honey under it. So here it is then folks. Scriptural proof that “French kissing” which involves using the tongue while kissing has been around for some time, and is even in the Bible.

It seems the man was also turned on by the smell of his wife’s perfume, because he spoke about the smell of her garments. So if you want to impress your husband, it seems that a good open mouth and nice perfume are all he needs to get high on your love.

What does the woman want from her man? Some real tenderness expressed in loving kisses from his mouth. There are some other things also which help, but we will talk about that another time.

We will be looking at a lot more from the Song of Solomon, and perhaps you will be stirred to really experience the fullness of the passion and physical love that the Lord has created for you in marriage.

But for today, why not try just this one simple little thing:

Kiss your spouse more often. There is an old expression that says “actions speak louder than words”. One of the most powerful actions you can carry out to express your love and to tell your husband or wife that you love them, is to be found in this simple act.

Get kissing more today. It will change your marriage.

How To Have A Fight

How To Have A Fight

Proverbs 10:12 Hatred stirs up strife: but love covers all sins. (GMR)

The Christian marriage is a place where all is peace and everybody is kind and loving, and there are never any fights.

Is this correct?

Of course not. We are all still full of sin, and working towards perfection.

Put two sinful people together in the same home and sooner or later there will be conflict. Put together two sinful people of the opposite sex and cause them to become intimate and close to each other, and you can guarantee there will be fights.

Sure, we are all working towards overcoming sin and living lives that are free of conflict. And as we draw closer to the Lord we draw closer to each other, and the conflict starts to ease off.

But while you are working towards that goal, what happens when there is a fight? How should you respond if your spouse is not acting like he or she knows the Lord? If you really are the innocent one in this fight, what can you do to stop things from getting out of hand?

The wisdom above comes from a man who had hundreds of wives, so he must have had a bit of experience of marital conflict.

Each of us is a bit like a pool of water containing some dirt. If you leave the water to settle for a while, the dirt sinks to the bottom and the water becomes clear.

If you cover this pool and keep it from being churned up, it may continue to look like a lovely clear pool of water.

But if you take a stick and stir up the waters, you might end up with a muddy mess that you do not want to be around. And then it could take days for the water to settle down again and become clear.

Marital fights are a bit like that. You can come to a place where the sin within is under control. Where the weaknesses and failures have become hidden from view and are lying dormant.

And until they are removed by the power of God, it is perhaps better to just leave them that way.

You might think that you need to expose all the sin in your spouse, and it is true that at times this may be necessary. But realize that when you do this, you will cause a mess that could take days to sort itself out.

You might win the fight, but you have to live with the effects afterwards.

God has a far better way of dealing with things. Instead of stirring up all the dirt in anger and hatred, He suggests you cover it over with love.

In other words, instead of looking for all the dirt, why not look instead at all that good clear water there? Let the failures of the past sink to the bottom and remain out of sight. See the person through the eyes of love, since they are part of you now, and you seldom hate yourself.

So the next time you have a fight, think carefully about these two pictures. And ask yourself this simple question:

Would I like a muddy messy pool in my room right now, or a nice crystal clear pool that looks good and smells good, and makes me happy?

A Matter Of The Heart

A Matter Of The Heart

Colossians 3:23 And whatever you do, do [it] from the [psuche] heart, as to the Lord, and not to men; (GMR)

How often do you do or say something that you do not truly mean with your heart?

Perhaps you told your husband or wife that you loved them, but you really did not mean it. You just said it to make them happy.

Well this is a good start. It is better than not saying anything at all. But wouldn’t it be so much better if you could say it and really mean it?

The word heart used in the verse above is the same Greek word used for soul. So that means you must involve mind, emotions and will all together to do something from your heart.

This means that when you do something by an act of your will, you should be able to have the right thoughts in your mind, and the right feelings and desires in your emotions.

When you make love are you thinking about how much you love this man or woman that you are joining with in body? Or are you trying to think of some other person whom you would rather be making love to?

Are you just doing this because it feels good, or are you doing it as an expression of all the love that is inside of you?

This is what it means to do something from your heart. And it could just involve a change in attitude.

How do you change your attitude? By simply choosing what you will keep in your mind.

And how do you change your feelings? By keeping the right things in your mind.

When you express your love to each other, do you let the fantasies come into your mind like you do when you think about romance? Do you think about how wonderful your spouse is, and how you cannot wait to be with them?

Or do you complain because he came home too early from work and messed up your plans? Did she mess up your plans by insisting that you fix that broken door NOW?

You did what you spouse wanted you to do. But did you do it from your heart?

Think about it the next time you do or say something to the person you chose to spend your life with. Are you doing this from the heart or not?

If you have a problem doing this, then why not take Paul’s advice, and do it as though you are doing it for the Lord? Perhaps this will release the faith, hope and love that you need to truly do everything in your marriage as from your heart.

Bargaining With Love

Bargaining With Love

Judges 16:15 And she said to him, How can you say, I love you, when your heart [is] not with me? you have mocked me these three times, and have not told me where your great strength [lies]. (GMR)

The story of Samson is a classic example of how a person can use their love as a bargaining tool to get something from their spouse.

This is as old as the Garden of Eden, where Adam ate the forbidden fruit because he loved Eve and wanted to please her, instead of the obeying the Lord.

Probably the best passage to describe true love, is the thirteenth chapter of Corinthians. There Paul makes an interesting statement:

1 Corinthians 13:3 And though I give away all my possessions to feed [the poor], and though I give my body to be burned [as a martyr], and have not [agape] love, it benefits me nothing. (GMR)

The world continually makes a big thing about helping humanity and doing great charitable deeds, but they seldom do this with a true motive of love.

Usually the way of the world goes something like this:

I will help you when you are in trouble, and then when I am in trouble I will expect you to help me.

Or to put it as a symbolic picture:

I will scratch your back, and you can scratch my back.

The love that you give to your spouse should never be like this. It is never given as a trade or something that forces them to owe you something.

Your love must be given freely, without expecting anything in return. It is a bit like giving someone a gift in secret so that they do not know where it came from. Then they do not feel they have to pay you back again.

Have you been using your love to put your spouse under a debt to you? Then you are not doing it the Lord’s way.

Don’t ever give your love, expecting something in return. Just love because that is what you enjoy doing, and that is what your spouse enjoys getting. Seeing the joy on their face, and the effect it has on their lives should be more than enough reward for you.