How To Have A Fight

How To Have A Fight

Proverbs 10:12 Hatred stirs up strife: but love covers all sins. (GMR)

The Christian marriage is a place where all is peace and everybody is kind and loving, and there are never any fights.

Is this correct?

Of course not. We are all still full of sin, and working towards perfection.

Put two sinful people together in the same home and sooner or later there will be conflict. Put together two sinful people of the opposite sex and cause them to become intimate and close to each other, and you can guarantee there will be fights.

Sure, we are all working towards overcoming sin and living lives that are free of conflict. And as we draw closer to the Lord we draw closer to each other, and the conflict starts to ease off.

But while you are working towards that goal, what happens when there is a fight? How should you respond if your spouse is not acting like he or she knows the Lord? If you really are the innocent one in this fight, what can you do to stop things from getting out of hand?

The wisdom above comes from a man who had hundreds of wives, so he must have had a bit of experience of marital conflict.

Each of us is a bit like a pool of water containing some dirt. If you leave the water to settle for a while, the dirt sinks to the bottom and the water becomes clear.

If you cover this pool and keep it from being churned up, it may continue to look like a lovely clear pool of water.

But if you take a stick and stir up the waters, you might end up with a muddy mess that you do not want to be around. And then it could take days for the water to settle down again and become clear.

Marital fights are a bit like that. You can come to a place where the sin within is under control. Where the weaknesses and failures have become hidden from view and are lying dormant.

And until they are removed by the power of God, it is perhaps better to just leave them that way.

You might think that you need to expose all the sin in your spouse, and it is true that at times this may be necessary. But realize that when you do this, you will cause a mess that could take days to sort itself out.

You might win the fight, but you have to live with the effects afterwards.

God has a far better way of dealing with things. Instead of stirring up all the dirt in anger and hatred, He suggests you cover it over with love.

In other words, instead of looking for all the dirt, why not look instead at all that good clear water there? Let the failures of the past sink to the bottom and remain out of sight. See the person through the eyes of love, since they are part of you now, and you seldom hate yourself.

So the next time you have a fight, think carefully about these two pictures. And ask yourself this simple question:

Would I like a muddy messy pool in my room right now, or a nice crystal clear pool that looks good and smells good, and makes me happy?