Not Now Please – The Conclusion

Not Now Please – The Conclusion

Here is where the story ended last time…

Janet sighed. “Okay,” she said, then walked out of the room and went to the lounge. Sitting down on the soft sofa she said, “Argh! You’re just like my dad – always telling me I’m stupid!”

She pounded the pillow in an attempt to get her frustration out, then said, “Lord Jesus please help me! I feel like screaming! Please tell me what’s going on!”

Now for the conclusion…

The rest of the day up until lunch time, Janet felt moody and depressed and couldn’t get that hurtful feeling out of her mind.

“It’s so illogical and stupid!” she thought. “It’s not the end of the world what he said, but I just can’t let it go. Yes I was stupid not to watch what I was doing. But hey, was it that bad that he had to scream at me and be nasty to me?”

She tried to get back into her writing, but it was very difficult to do anything! She couldn’t think straight, and every few minutes the fight that she and Andrew had had seemed to repeat in her mind over and over again. It was as though her mind wanted to remind her of the negative situation all the time. What was worse was that each time she thought of it, she felt that same pain and hurt all over again.

She battled on and on during the morning trying to get things done, but she did a bit here and a bit there, and accomplished nothing! Eventually she looked at her watch.

“It’s lunch time,” she thought. “I’d better get something prepared. Maybe I’ll be more successful in doing that.”

She thought of the quickest and easiest thing that she could make, as she didn’t feel like cooking at all. Also no matter what she did, she just couldn’t concentrate, and even this easy meal took her twice as long to make as it normally did.

When it was finally finished she went and called Andrew. It was the first time they had even spoken to each other since the morning. She had just left him to work and hadn’t even been into the room at all. She put her head round the door of the room and said rather loudly, “Lunch is ready! Come and eat!” Then she walked out again before he could answer her.

“Oh dear, I really have to stop being so angry! I’ve got to do something to change this now,” she thought, feeling bad for being so abrupt. “Lord Jesus, please help me to resolve this problem now,” she prayed. “I can’t carry on like this with my feelings eating me up and having no peace.”

She went to the dining room, dished in the food for both of them, and then sat down and started to eat already. Andrew came and joined her a few minutes later. He gave her a little smile and said, “Thanks honey! Busy morning?”

“No, not really,” she said without even looking at him. Then she carried on eating.

He began to eat his salad and she buttered some bread, but neither of them said a word. There was an uneasy silence, and you could feel the tension in the air. Then Janet could not take it anymore. Silently she prayed, “Lord Jesus, help me to clear the air now please. And give us both wisdom to sort it out.”

Then taking a deep breath she blurted out, “Andy, I have a problem…”

He stopped eating for a minute and looked at her.

“I have noticed,” he said jokingly. Then he said with all sincerity, “What’s up?”

“I’m just still mad at you from this morning! I know it’s crazy, but I can’t get victory over this thing. Yes, I was stupid to knock the guitar over. I admit it. But I’m sorry, I still feel hurt about you yelling at me. I don’t know what’s the matter. I just can’t stop thinking about it. And each time I do so, it makes it worse. To be honest with you, I can’t stand it when you act like you did this morning! I really hate it when you become a driver and boss me around! Then when you tell me I’m stupid, you’re just like my darn dad!”

He was about to take another mouthful, but he put his fork down and looked at her.

“Of course! Don’t you realize what’s happening here?” he asked.

She thought for a minute then shook her head.

“No, I haven’t got a clue!”

“It’s a law of judgment, Jay. It’s a very clear one!”

“A law of judgment? What do you mean?”

“Honey, think about all the stories that you told me about your dad of when you were growing up. You have told me so many stories of how he was nasty to you and insulted you and told you that you were stupid. Now what happened here today? I did the same thing to you, even though I really didn’t want to. It just kind of rose up inside of me.”

Janet took a sip of her orange juice and then looked closely at him.

“So it’s like a repeat from the past,” she said slowly. “It’s like you became my dad all over again, and the very thing that I hated about him is what you became?”

“Bingo! You see, you judged your dad every time he did those things to you, and the Scripture, ‘Judge not, and you will not be judged,’ is exactly what happened here. You reaped your judgment of your dad in me.”

She sat quietly for a moment as she thought about everything and let it sink in.

“Wow, I can’t believe this! I guess it’s good that I’ve finally seen it. I really need to stop it now. I don’t know how to do it though.”

“That’s easy,” he said. “You need to let that judgment go. Even though your dad hurt you, your reaction was sinful. And so you need to ask the Lord to forgive you for sinning and judging your dad. It’s really that simple.”

“Maybe you can pray with me later,” she said.

“Well why later? Why not do it right now?” Andrew answered. “Just submit yourself to the Lord again, then ask Him to forgive you for being bitter, and let that judgment go.”

He put his knife and fork down and pushed his food plate aside so that he could concentrate on the matter. Then he held his hand out to Janet. She took his hand then started to pray.

“Lord Jesus, I submit myself to you now in every area of my life. Lord, I ask you to forgive me for being bitter against my dad and for judging him.”

She began to weep softly then. Andrew squeezed her hand gently to encourage her.

“Keep going,” he said. “You’ll get the release.”

“Lord I realize that I have judged him and I want to let that judgment go now. I take back those words that I spoke against him. I renounce them and ask you to remove that judgment and take it out of me. Thank you for showing me the answer Lord.”

“Okay, now you must also talk to your dad as if he was standing here,” Andrew said. “Tell him everything that you’ve wanted to say in the past, but have never been able to say face to face. Ask him to forgive you too for being angry at him. Even though he’s not here it will still give you a release.”

Janet sat for a good few minutes before beginning to talk. This was difficult for her, because she had so much pent-up emotion in her, and so much anger that had built up over the years, but she knew she had to do it.

“Dad,” she said, “I want to talk to you…” She waited for a few seconds before carrying on. “I’m afraid I’m really upset with you. You always treated me badly compared to Philip and Colleen. You always told them that they were wonderful, and me that I was stupid! You really hurt me dad, but I forgive you for it. I know that you did love me, but you found it hard to accept me because I was so different. Please forgive me for being bitter and judging you.”

Now the tears flowed freely and she sobbed hard. But as she did it, it was as though all the pain, anger and hurts that she had carried with her over all those years began to just flood away. Suddenly she was aware that she no longer felt the way she did that morning. All the negative thoughts and emotions were gone!

“Love you,” Andrew said as he smiled at her. Then he reached over and gave her a kiss. “Please forgive me for hurting you. I never ever wanted to do that! You’re too important to me.”

Janet smiled at him, her eyes still wet with tears.

“Of course I forgive you! Love you too,” she said.

They continued their meal then, but this time they talked about their future together, about having children, and about ministering for the Lord together.

“Thank you Jesus!” Janet prayed under her breath. “You’re so good to me! Thank you for answering me and showing me what’s going on. Love you too Lord!”