SO WRONG .......BUT SO FUNNY

SO WRONG .......BUT SO FUNNY


A woman takes a lover home during the day
while her husband is at work.


Her 9year old son comes home unexpectedly, he sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.


The woman's husband also comes home.
She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing
that the little boy is in there already.




The little boy says, 'Dark in here.'
The man says, 'Yes, it is..'
Boy: 'I have a baseball.'
Man: 'That's nice'
Boy: 'Want to buy it?'
Man: 'No, thanks.'
Boy: 'My Dad's outside.'
Man: 'OK, how much?'
Boy: '$250'




In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.




Boy: 'Dark in here.'
Man: 'Yes, it is.'
Boy: 'I have a baseball glove.'
The lover, remembering the last time,
asks the boy, How much?'
Boy: '$750'
Man: 'Sold.'




A few days later, the Dad says to the boy , 'Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch.'
The boy says, 'I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove.'




The Dad asks, 'How much did you sell them for?'
Boy: '$1,000'




The Dad says, 'That's terrible to over charge your friends like that...that is way more than those two things cost. I'm taking you to church, to confession.'




They go to the church and the Dad makes the little boy sit in the confessional booth and closes the door..



Wait For It !!




The boy says, 'Dark in here.'
The priest says, 'Don't start that shit again; you're in my closet now..'

Things happen for a reason........

Beautiful story..... makes you understand that things happen for a reason.
The brand new pastor and his wife, newly assigned to their first ministry, to reopen a church in suburban Brooklyn , arrived in early October excited about their opportunities When they saw their church, it was very run down and needed
much work. They set a goal to have everything done in time to have their first service on Christmas Eve.
T hey worked hard, repairing pews, plastering walls, painting, etc, and on December 18 were ahead of schedule and just about finished.
On December 19 a terrible tempest - a driving rainstorm hit the area and lasted for two days.
O n the 21st, the pastor went over to the church. His heart sank when he saw that the roof had leaked, causing a large area of plaster about 20 feet by 8 feet to fall off the front wall of the sanctuary just behind the pulpit, beginning about head high.
T he pastor cleaned up the mess on the floor, and not knowing what else to do but postpone the Christmas Eve service, headed home.

On the way he noticed that a local business was having a flea market type sale for charity so he stopped in. One of the items was a beautiful, handmade, ivory colored, crocheted tablecloth with exquisite work, fine colors and a Cross embroidered right in the center. It was just the right size to cover up the hole in the front wall. He bought it and headed back to the church.
By this time it had started to snow.. An older woman running from the opposite direction was trying to catch the bus.. She missed it. The pastor invited her to wait in the warm church for the next bus 45 minutes later.

She sat in a pew and paid no attention to the pastor while he got a ladder, hangers, etc., to put up the tablecloth as a wall tapestry. The pastor could hardly believe how beautiful it looked and it covered up the entire problem area.
Then he noticed the woman walking down the center aisle. Her face was like a sheet.. 'Pastor,' she asked, 'where did you get that tablecloth?'

The pastor explained. The woman asked him to check the lower right corner to see if the initials, E BG were crocheted intoit there. They were. These were the initials of the woman, and she had made this tablecloth 35 years before, in Austria.
The woman could hardly believe it as the pastor told how he had just gotten the Tablecloth. The woman explained that before the war she and her husband were well-to-do people in Austria ...

When the Nazis came, she was forced to leave. Her husband was going to follow her the next week.
He was captured, sent to prison and never saw her husband or her home again.
T he pastor wanted to give her the tablecloth; but she made the pastor keep it for the church..

The pastor insisted on driving her home, that was the least he could do.. She lived on the other side of Staten Island and was only in Brooklyn for the day for a housecleaning job.
What a wonderful service they had on Christmas Eve. The church was almost full. The music and the spirit were great.. At the end of the service, the pastor and his wife greeted everyone at the door and many said that they would return.

One older man, whom the pastor recognized from the neighborhood continued to sit in one of the pews and stare, and the pastor wondered why he wasn't leaving.
The man asked him where he got the tablecloth on the front wall because it was identical to one that his wife had made years ago when they lived in Austria before the war and how could there be two tablecloths so much alike.
H e told the pastor how the Nazis came, how he forced his wife to flee for her safety and he was supposed to follow her, but he was arrested and put in a prison.. He never saw his wife or his home again all the 35 years in between.
T he pastor asked him if he would allow him to take him for a little ride. They drove to Staten Island and to the same house where the pastor had taken the woman three days earlier.
H e helped the man climb the three flights of stairs to the woman's apartment, knocked on the door and he saw the greatest Christmas reunion he could ever imagine.
T rue Story - submitted by Pastor Rob Reid

Who says God does not work in mysterious ways..

I asked the Lord to bless you as I prayed for you today, to guide you and protect you as you go along your way. His love is always with you, His promises are true, and when we give Him all our cares you know He will see us through.
So when the road you're traveling on seems difficult at best..... Just remember I'm here praying and God will do the rest.

Pass this on to those you want God to bless and don't forget to send it back to the one who asked God to bless you first.
W hen there is nothing left but God, that is when you find out that God is all you need. Take 60 seconds and give this a shot! All you do is simply say the following small prayer for the person who sent you this.

F ather, God, bless all my friends and family in what ever it is that You know they may be needing this day! May their life be full of your peace, prosperity and power as he/she seeks to have a closer relationship with you. Amen.
Then send it on to five other people, including the one who sent it to you. Within hours five people have prayed for you and you caused a multitude of people to pray for other people. Then sit back and watch the power of God work in your life.

DO TAKE CARE ABOUT YOUR HEALTH

TAKE CARE ABOUT YOUR HEALTH.......!.
Live Life Without Limits!
AND PASS THIS EMAIL TO WHOM YOU CARE

The top five cancer-causing foods are :

1. Hot dogs
Because they are high in nitrates, the
Cancer Prevention Coalition advises that children eat no more than 12
hot dogs a month. If you can't live without hot dogs, buy those made
without sodium nitrate.


2. Processed meats and bacon
Also high in the same sodium nitrates found in hot dogs, bacon, and other processed meats raise the risk of heart disease. The saturated fat in bacon also contributes to cancer.


3. Doughnuts
Doughnuts are cancer-causing double trouble. First, they are made with white flour, sugar, and hydrogenated oils,
then fried at high temperatures. Doughnuts, says Adams , may be the
worst food you can possibly eat to raise your risk of cancer.


4. French f ries
Like doughnuts, French fries are made with hydrogenated oils and then fried at high temperatures.
They also contain cancer- causing acryl amides which occur during the
frying process. They should be called cancer fries, not French fries, said Adams .


5. Chips, crackers, and cookies
All
are usually made with white flour and sugar. Even the ones whose labels
claim to be free of trans-fats generally contain small amounts of
trans-fats.

BRAIN DAMAGING HABITS

1. No Breakfast
People who do not take breakfast are going to have a lower blood sugar level.
This leads to an insufficient supply of nutrients to the brain causing brain degeneration.

2. Overeating
It causes hardening of the brain arteries, leading to a decrease in mental power..

3. Smoking
It causes multiple brain shrinkage and may lead to Alzheimer disease.

4. High Sugar consumption
Too much sugar will interrupt the absorption of proteins and nutrients causing malnutrition and may interfere with brain development.

5. Air Pollution
The brain is the largest oxygen consumer in our body. Inhaling polluted air decreases the supply of oxygen to the brain, bringing about a decrease in brain efficiency....

6. Sleep Deprivation
Sleep allows our brain to rest. Long term deprivation from sleep will accelerate the death of brain cells.

7. Head covered while sleeping
Sleeping with the head covered increases the concentration of carbon dioxide and decrease concentration of oxygen that may lead to brain damaging effects.

8. Working your brain during illness
Working hard or studying with sickness may lead to a decrease in effectiveness of the brain as well as damage the brain.

9. Lacking in stimulating thoughts
Thinking is the best way to train our brain, lacking in brain stimulation thoughts may cause brain shrinkage.

10. Talking Rarely
Intellectual conversations will promote the efficiency of the brain

The main causes of liver damage are:

1. Sleeping too late and waking up too late are main cause.
2. Not urinating in the morning....
3. Too much eating.
4.. Skipping breakfast.
5. Consuming too much medication.
6. Consuming too much preservatives, additives, food coloring, and artificial sweetener.
7. Consuming unhealthy cooking oil.. As much as possible reduce cooking oil use when frying, which includes even the best cooking oils like olive oil. Do not consume fried foods when you are tired, except if the body is very fit.
8.
Consuming raw (overly done) foods also add to the burden of liver..
Veggies should be eaten raw or cooked 3-5 parts. Fried veggies should
be finished in one sitting, do not store.

We
should prevent this without necessarily spending more. We just have to
adopt a good daily lifestyle and eating habits. Maintaining good eating habits and time condition are very important for our bodies to absorb and get rid of unnecessary chemicals according to 'schedule..'

DO TAKE CARE ABOUT YOUR HEALTH..................

DONE!

All things are Doable "if you believe" that what you desire to do is
truly Possible. It is possible to overcome those subtle nuances that we
consider "only human!" :-)

Are you filling your Spirit with mental pictures of "the Results of an
Accomplished Act of Power?" Are you "seeing" the Results within your own
Mind. Are the Results of the Dreams you imagine worth the Efforts you
may be afraid to apply?

Imagine Possible.
Dream "DONE!"

Two Beggars in Rome & British Humour

Two Beggars in Rome



Two Beggars in Rome - One Catholic - One Jew- are sitting side by side on a street in Rome . One has a cross in front of him; the other one the Star of David. Many people go by and look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the cross.



A priest comes by, stops and watches throngs of people giving money to the beggar behind the cross, but none give to the beggar behind the Star of David.



Finally, the priest goes over to the beggar behind the Star of David and says, 'My poor fellow, don't you understand? This is a Catholic country; this city is the seat of Catholicism. People aren't going to give money if you sit there with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you're sitting beside a beggar who has a cross. Infact, they would probably give to him just out of spite.'



The beggar behind the Star of David listened to the priest, turned to the other beggar with the cross and said: 'Moishe, look who's trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about marketing!!





British Humour



A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale has hit Pakistan.

Two million Pakistanis have died and over a million are injured.

The country is totally ruined and the government doesn't know where to start with providing help to rebuild.



The rest of the world is in shock.



The USA is sending troops to help.



Saudi Arabia is sending oil.



Latin American countries are sending supplies.



New Zealand is sending sheep, cattle and food crops.



The Asian countries are sending labor to assist in rebuilding

infrastructure.



Australia is sending medical teams and supplies.



Britain, not to be outdone, is sending two million replacement

Pakistanis.



God Bless British generosity.

MOHON DIBACA SEMENIT SAJA

MOHON DIBACA, SEMENIT SAJA

Bagikan

Hari ini jam 13:24

SEMENIT SAJA

Betapa besarnya nilai uang kertas senilai Rp.100.000 apabila dibawa ke Gereja untuk disumbangkan; namun betapa kecilnya kalau dibawa ke Mall untuk dibelanjakan!

Betapa lamanya melayani Allah selama lima belas menit namun
betapa singkatnya kalau kita melihat film.

betapa sulitnya untuk mencari kata-kata ketika berdoa (spontan) namun
betapa mudahnya kalau mengobrol atau bergosip dengan pacar / teman
tanpa harus berpikir panjang-panjang.

Betapa asyiknya apabila pertandingan bola diperpanjang waktunya ekstra namun
kita mengeluh ketika khotbah di Gereja lebih lama sedikit daripada biasa.

Betapa sulitnya untuk membaca satu ayat Kitab Suci tapi
betapa mudahnya membaca 100 halaman dari novel yang laris.

Betapa getolnya orang untuk duduk di depan dalam pertandingan atau konser namun
lebih senang berada di kursi paling belakang ketika berada di Gereja

Betapa Mudahnya membuat 40 tahun dosa demi memuaskan nafsu birahi semata, namun
alangkah sulitnya ketika menahan nafsu selama 3 hari ketika berpuasa.

Betapa sulitnya menyediakan waktu untuk ibadah; namun
betapa mudahnya menyesuaikan waktu dalam sekejap pada
saat terakhir untuk event yang menyenangkan.

Betapa sulitnya untuk mempelajari arti yang terkandung di dalam Kitab Suci ; namun
betapa mudahnya untuk mengulang-ulangi gosip yang sama kepada orang lain.

Betapa mudahnya kita mempercayai apa yang dikatakan oleh koran namun
betapa kita meragukan apa yang dikatakan oleh Kitab Suci .

Betapa setiap orang ingin masuk sorga seandainya tidak perlu untuk percaya atau
berpikir, atau mengatakan apa-apa, atau berbuat apa-apa.
Betapa kita dapat menyebarkan seribu lelucon melalui e-mail, dan menyebarluaskannya

dengan FORWARD seperti api; namun kalau ada mail yang isinya tentang Kerajaan Allah

betapa seringnya kita ragu-ragu, enggan membukanya dan mensharingkannya, serta langsung klik pada icon
DELETE.

Your change is Upon You

"Your Change is Upon YOU!"

God never designed you to build a thing that needed permission to work
after it was made. It should be created already prepared and able to
function!

It is imperative for YOU to become the TWIN of what is working inside of
you "before you demand it to come out of YOU!" If your DREAM does not
recognize YOU when it is born, "it will not walk for you!" Your DREAM
must recognize you when it is born? How, you ask? It must see you "as
it's TWIN!"


If your DREAM isn't potent enough to transform everything about you, it
isn't significant enough to be SEEN!

"You Have the Right to Discover the Treasure!"

Dr.Undrai Fizer,Ph.D
The Kairos Letters