Finding Time and Breaking the Rules

Finding Time and Breaking the Rules

Esther 4:11 All the servants of the King and the people in the king's provinces know, that if any man or woman comes to the king in the inner court, who has not been summoned, there is a specific law to put him to death. The only exception is when the king holds out his golden scepter to let the person live. But I have not been invited to come to the king for the past thirty days. (GMRV)

Esther 5:1 On the third day of her fast, Esther put on her royal clothes, and appeared in the inner court of the king's house, right in the entrance hall to the kings house: and the king was sitting on his royal throne in the royal house, facing the entrance of the house.
2 And when the king saw Queen Esther standing in the court, he was pleased to see her: so the king held out to Esther the golden scepter in his hand. And Esther came closer and touched the top of the scepter. (GMRV)

Life gets so hectic at times that you do not find time to spend with your spouse as you should.

When this happens, be grateful that you did not live during the time of Queen Esther. When her husband got too busy to pay attention to her, she had to take her life into her hands to get his attention.

It is likely that he had made time to be with other women. No man can be so busy that he does not desire sex for over 30 days. On the other hand, perhaps he was just so busy with the affairs of running the country, that he had no time to think about his lovely Queen.

You might think to yourself, “If I were married to the most beautiful woman in the country, I would want to be with her every night.” But alas, each one of us has the experience of burn out where sometimes you forget that you are married to the most wonderful person in the world.

You just get too busy with other things to pay attention to your marriage and the person who shares your life with you. And often when this happens, things start to go wrong that you are not even aware of.

What can a woman do when her husband is too busy to notice her any more; when his work seems more important to him than her? She can do what Queen Esther did in the incident described above.

Notice firstly that the Queen did not just rush in. She prepared her heart with fasting and prayer. So before you barge in with a wrong attitude, begin firstly to prepare your heart and attitude.

Secondly she approached the king in humility, not arrogance.

Thirdly she put on her Royal Garb before approaching him. She did not just appear as a sexy woman, to stir his hormones. He had plenty of women who could do that. But she approached him in a way that reminded him who she was. She was The Queen, not just any other woman.

And finally, she came with boldness into his presence, expecting him to respond positively. To use a common expression, she “got right in his face.”

You can also use this approach if your spouse has been neglecting their part in the marriage. You can step out boldly, yet in love and humility, to remind him or her of who you are and what you are expecting.

This is sometimes a dangerous step, because it could lead to another quarrel or marital fight. But perhaps it could make your partner wake up to realize that they have been drifting away and neglecting the marriage.

If you approach this right, you might be surprised to find that your spouse was not really aware of what has been happening. They might quickly break out of this and realize that they have neglected you.

And when this happens, you might just get the golden scepter, and an offer of half of the kingdom. So don’t sit wallowing and complaining about the state of your marriage.

DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!

Know Your Spouse

Know Your Spouse

Marriage is the best!
Marriage is great!
Marriage is heavenly!
Now check your mate!

This week I want you to take a little time out to have some fun! I remember a program once that was always fun to listen to. It was called ‘Check Your Mate’. Basically it was a game to see who knew their spouse the best. So are you up to it? Do you think you REALLY know your spouse?

Well there is only one way to find out! Below are a list of questions that will tell you for sure. Simply type in the answers and forward them to your spouse. The real test will come when they respond and tell you how many you got right and how many you got wrong!

So get ready... steady ...GO!

Check Your Mate

Answer each of these questions and forward them to your spouse for marking. If both of you play this game you are in for some laughs. And who knows, you might learn a few things about your spouse you never did before!

1. What is your spouse’s favorite color?

2. What is your spouse’s idea of a romantic evening?

3. What does your spouse love the most about your body?

4. What character traits does your spouse love the most about you?

5. Which of your habits does your spouse dislike the most about you?

6. What kind of gifts does your spouse like to receive?

7. Where does your spouse love to touch you the most during love making?

8. What makes your spouse feel attractive about him/herself?

9. What is your spouse’s favorite outfit or pair of shoes?

10. What are your spouse’s goals for their career or ministry?

11. And finally... What is the one thing that you could do, that you know would immediately cheer up your spouse when they are having a bad day?

Do not end the game here! When you mark your spouse’s answers, add a few more questions of your own! Or even better, try to think of one thing they do not know about you and tell them about it!

The Lord has created something so special between the two of you. As you continue to open your hearts to one another and to the Lord, you will just keep getting closer. Everyone has days when you fall down and things do not go as you planned, but get up and keep going again. Look past the conflicts and take that time to just say, “I love you.” It is amazing how just a bit of love can go a long way.

I trust that you have as much fun with this project as I did. I cannot wait to see what your results were. Be sure to let us know your score on the Marriage Message Board!

With Love
Colette Toach

For You My Love

For You My Love

1 Samuel 18:25 And Saul said, Thus shall you say to David, The king desires not any dowry, but a hundred foreskins of the Philistines, to be avenged of the king's enemies. But Saul thought to make David fall by the hand of the Philistines.
26 And when his servants told David these words, it pleased David well to be the king's son in law: and the days were not expired.
27 Therefore David arose and went, he and his men, and slew of the Philistines two hundred men; and David brought their foreskins, and they gave the full number of them to the king, that he might be the king's son in law. And Saul gave him Michal his daughter to wife.(GMR)

Aren’t you glad that these days a man does not have to pay to get his wife? But in the early days and in some cultures still there was a price to be paid if a man wanted to marry a woman.

Do you remember how important your wife was to you when you first fell in love with her and desired to marry her? Some men still have to pay the price of asking the father of the bride for permission to marry the daughter.

But is it really a price? Most men would risk their lives to win and gain the one that they love.

Think back on what it was like before you were married, and how you longed to be with your love. What price would you have paid then? She was the most valuable thing in the world to you. He was the most precious thing you could think of.

But each day as you rise up and start the day, do you still feel the same? Each day, as you go through the problems of life and face difficulties, do you still think this? Or do you simply take for granted the fact that you have someone who spends their life with you?

What if your spouse were made a better offer than what you are? What if another woman offers herself to your husband in your place? What if another man were to offer himself to your wife in your place?

What would you do? Would you consider your spouse valuable enough to fight for, and give up all for? Would you be prepared to pay any price to keep them?

And then as you look at yourself, would you consider yourself valuable enough to your spouse that you would never need to be afraid of this? Are you sure that you are of such value that no other person could ever compete with you?

Every day marriages come to an end because someone stopped realizing how valuable their spouse was. Marriages end because a husband or wife are no longer valuable to their partner.

Perhaps if you were to think back on the price you would have gladly paid, or did pay to get your husband or wife, you will realize how precious they are to you. And then perhaps you will find yourself once again ready to risk your life for the one you love.

Could you take in your hands the biggest price you could pay, and hold it out to him or her, saying,

“For you my love. You are worth every bit of it”?

Climbing The Hill Together

Climbing The Hill Together

Song of Solomon 2:6 His left hand [is] under my head, and his right hand embraces me.
7 I charge you, O you daughters of Jerusalem, by the roes, and by the hinds of the field, that you do not stir up, nor awake [my] love, until he pleases.
8 The voice of my beloved! look, he is coming leaping upon the mountains, skipping upon the hills.
9 My beloved is like a roe or a young hart: look, he stands behind our wall, he looks out at the windows, showing himself through the lattice.
10 My beloved spoke, and said to me, Rise up, my love, my beautiful one, and come away.
11 For, look, the winter is past, the rain is over [and] gone;
12 The flowers appear on the earth; the time of the singing [of birds] has come, and the voice of the turtle is heard in our land;
13 The fig tree puts forth her green figs, and the vines [with] the tender grape give a [good] smell. Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away.
14 O my dove, [that is] in the clefts of the rock, in the secret [places] of the stairs, let me see your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely. (GMR)

The passage above can best be understood if it is interpreted to describe the wonder of the final climax in love making.

It begins with the intimacy of holding and touching, and leads finally to the fullness of the sexual experience.

Notice especially the consideration that each one gives to the other. Yet how often does this truly happen in your experience? How often do both you and your spouse give each other enough consideration to make sure that both have a fully satisfying experience during love making?

If you do, then you will understand some of the symbolism of this passage. The first stage is one in which you embrace and begin to touch each other. The sense of touch is probably the most important of all in love making.

But where do you touch your lover to bring them the greatest experience of pleasure? This is something that varies from person to person, and each one has a nervous system that might be different. We all have parts of our body that are more sensitive than others, and they are not always the same for every person.

So which parts of your spouse’s body experience the greatest sensation of pleasure when touched? This is something that you should have found out by experimenting a bit. Or were you so keen to get to the orgasm that you did not take the time to touch, fondle and stroke each other?

For a man, the sensation of penetration can be so strong, that he needs little else to come to a place of climbing that mountain leading to the final peak of the love making. But for most women it is not quite the same. A woman needs to be touched and stimulated far more then a man, because she is not immediately aroused by the sight of her husband’s body, as he is by hers.

But there are no fixed rules. Each one is different, and you should take the time to explore each other’s bodies to create the most wonderful love making experience possible. Often the longer you take to climb that mountain leading to the peak of pleasure of the sexual experience, the greater your final experience will be.

For the man it might involve holding back until his wife is fully aroused. But this is not always the case. Sometimes even a man needs some kind of foreplay and build up in order to fully enjoy the experience of love making.

So take the time, and if necessary, make the time to be tender with each other, and to touch each other, rather than just rushing in and getting it all over with. It is an investment which really pays off.

A woman who is given this consideration more often, is more likely to get excited about making love more often. But if you just rush in to satisfy your needs before considering your wife, then do not get angry when she finds excuses to not make love tonight.

The passage above describes some of the feelings that come when love is approached the right way. Touch soon leads to talking, and expressing your love in words, or just emotional sounds.

Notice the woman describes the voice of her husband as he is quickly aroused, and he wastes no time on moving into the position for love making. But he is not a selfish man. Instead of satisfying himself immediately, he waits for his wife to catch up.

He encourages her with the words,

“Rise up, my love, my beautiful one, and come away.”

He knows that once he has come to that peak, his part will be over, so he holds himself back, and encourages his wife to rise up first and be satisfied ahead of him. He speaks a lot more to her, painting some beautiful pictures to help her relax and come to the orgasm first, so that they can then move into it together.

The chapter ends with a lovely description of the woman encouraging her husband as he too comes to that wonderful place that God has created for us to reach in this wonderful experience of love making. The two have become fully one and the experience is so wonderful that you feel it can last all night.

Song of Solomon 2:16 My beloved [is]mine, and I [am] his: he feeds among the lilies.
17 Until the day breaks, and the shadows flee away, turn, my beloved, and be like a roe or a young hart upon the mountains of Bether. (GMR)

Would it not be wonderful to experience this every time you make love? It can be possible if you both consider each other, and go about pleasing your partner first instead of satisfying your own desires first.

It is indeed true, as the Word says, “It is more blessed to give than to receive.”

Too Sexy For Your Shoes

Too Sexy For Your Shoes

Song of Solomon 7:1 How beautiful are your feet with shoes, O prince's daughter! the joints of your thighs [are] like jewels, the work of the hands of a cunning workman. (GMR)

What is it about the body of your spouse that really appeals to you?

For many men, it is the sight of the legs of their loved one. There is no doubt about it that a woman’s legs are one of her greatest beauty assets, apart from her breasts.

But how can you get your legs to look good so that they will appeal to the man in your life? The answer is simple.

SHOES!

Why is it that a man can live with a couple of pairs of shoes, whereas a woman usually needs a cupboard full of them? It is because the shoes that a woman wears can enhance the beauty of her legs more than most other things.

The way a woman walks is a wonderful sight in the eyes of a man. Songs have even been written about it in the past. Men watch women walk and they are affected by the sight.

So what can you do to make yourself more alluring to your husband?

You can learn to walk like a woman. And the best way to get this right is to wear shoes that will enhance the way you walk. And the best ones are those with higher heels.

If you are not sure what this involves, then just try watching women walk some time. Next time you are in a public place, take time to watch the women walk. And ask yourself, who is looking the most feminine and sexy?

If you are not able to detect this yourself, then ask your husband to give you his honest opinion. You relationship should be good enough for you to do this without feeling threatened. Ask him what appeals to him in the way a woman walks.

Then watch the men walk and compare it with the way a feminine woman walks. You will see a big difference between the two.

When a woman walks, she keeps her feet together and walks in a straight line, while wiggling her hips from side to side. This sight is enough to make any man want to take another look at her. But a man tends to walk with his feet apart, each facing outwards in a jagged line. Definitely not something which carries sex appeal.

Consider what shoes do to a woman to enhance her beauty. And consider how different shoes can make her look more royal and feminine.

As Solomon looked at the feet and legs of his lover, he saw something that really appealed to him. He saw lovely legs that as she walked caused her hips to wiggle from side to side in a wonderful way. And he remarked about the joints of her thighs.

Are you making the effort to walk in a sexy way for the man in your life ladies? Ask your husband to be honest with you. Try giving him a special parade, wearing different shoes, and walking up and down in front of him to see what he really likes the most.

If your walk is not that feminine, then try putting a book on your head as you walk to force you to walk like a lady. You will be amazed what an effect this will have on your man.

Do you not be surprised if this little exercise leads to a wonderful time in bed. Your husband is likely to become so stirred up by the sight of you walking in an appealing way that he will want to make love to you right away.

This is what you want isn’t it? To make the man in your life think you are the loveliest woman in the world?

And besides, you might find him suggesting you get some new shoes to wear. So in the end it is definitely to your benefit.

Give it a try and see what happens.

Friends Forever

Friends Forever
By Dudley Hall www.sclm.org

"This is my commandment that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you." John 15:12-15

What is new about the commandment that Jesus gave his disciples/friends? The Old Testament had instructed God's people to love God with their whole being and each other as they loved themselves. That means that the standard of success was determined by the capacity of the individual. Even if he did it, it would be a love limited by the love-capacity of the one loving. This new commandment had a new standard and a new power. It would be the distinctive of the new culture he was creating.

Jesus was creating a new group of friends who would become instrumental in spreading his new culture in the whole world. Jesus was probably using the term friends in reference to a covenant relationship, as was familiar to the Jewish way of thinking. In the ancient culture, neighboring nations were either friendly or unfriendly based on whatever agreements defined their relationship. God's friends are those in covenant with him. Those who refuse to relate to him on the basis of covenant are not friends, but adversaries. Jesus is calling the disciples his friends because he has chosen them. It is not because they are by nature friendly. He has explained to them that he has made the relationship with the Father possible so that they get the benefits to the covenant relationship he has with the Father.

The benefit he emphasizes is the level of understanding that friends get. Servants only get enough information to obey specific instructions. Even good servants are "instruction-conscious." Friends get the bigger picture. They are given the perspective of Jesus. He has explained to them that all of history is about the Father and the Son. He has shown them that the whole purpose of redemption is to reconcile creation to the Father. Actually he says that he has revealed to them ALL that the Father has revealed to him. That is a lot! They now know how it all works together to accomplish the ultimate purpose of God the Father.

Of course, even though he has given them this information, they don't yet fully understand it. It will be after the coming of the Holy Spirit that they will begin to grasp what Jesus has told them. Their lives will be a journey of passionate anticipation as they unpack all that Jesus explained.

What about it? Are you enjoying friendship with Jesus? The condition he gave to the original disciples was: "If you do what I command..." He commanded us to believe what he says is true and act like it.

No More Alone

No More Alone

Ecclesiastes 4:9 Two are better than one; because it is well worth the effort.
10 For if they fall, the one will lift up their companion: but woe to one that falls alone; for there is no one to help them up.
11 Also, if two sleep together, then they arouse each other: but how can one become aroused all alone?
12 And if one is overwhelmed, two can stand together; a threefold cord is not quickly broken. (GMR)

Marriage is the cure to the most desperate need that we can have in life – loneliness.

Unfortunately many married people take this for granted and have forgotten what it was like to be alone.

I am appalled at the number of times I see a husband and wife each living their own life. They each follow their own careers, they go on vacation separately, and sometimes they even sleep in different beds.

One wonders why people like this even got married in the first place.

Ask any single person who is crying out for a life partner what their greatest need is, and I can guarantee that they will tell you it is loneliness.

The Lord made us to be together, and to work together, and enjoy life together. Adam was not a happy man before the Lord made Eve and brought her to him. And even God himself created man for someone to have fellowship with.

In the passage above Solomon gives us some of the benefits of having someone else by your side. He starts out by saying that there are great benefits in making the effort to be together.

So forget about all the disadvantages of living so closely together with someone, and forget about all the things that irritate you about your spouse. Start looking at some of the wonderful advantages that you have.

The first advantage is that there is someone there to help you up when you fall. Often this may not be a literal falling down physically. All of us have times when we are emotionally down, and need someone to lift us up. This is when having someone nearby who cares and will encourage you is most valuable.

You will find that most of the time, both of you are not down together, but you take turns. In this way, there is always one who is feeling good and strong, who can lift up the other.

Solomon speaks of two people who sleep together affecting each other. Most Bible versions translate this verse as the two warming each other up. However, the original Hebrew word for warm can also refer to sexual arousal or stimulation. So both can apply where the two people in this passage are a husband and a wife.

I think this is a good picture. You do not need to lie there shivering alone, because there is someone there to cuddle up to and make you warm. And when you are that close you will also affect each other sexually, and a wonderful time of love making should often be the result of sleeping together.

The final benefit that Solomon speaks about is having someone to stand with you when you are under attack. Spiritually this is very important, because we all face attack from the enemy in our lives in serving the Lord.

How wonderful it is when you are under attack and feel that you cannot resist any more, to have someone else to stand with you. Someone who will help you in the fight when you are feeling weak and the enemy is stronger than you are. This can apply when you are spiritually under attack, or even when you are feeling sick in your body.

Jesus said that where two or three are gathered together in His Name, He would be there also. This adds the third part of what Solomon said. A cord having three strands is very strong, and does not break easily. By standing together as one in the Lord, we form a bond that the enemy can never break.

Do you still think about what it was like before you were married? Do you think how nice it would be to be able to do as you please and go where you please?

If any of these thoughts have entered your mind, then think again.

You need never be lonely again. Besides, who would want to be?