Rebuilding Your Marriage Fantasies

Rebuilding Your Marriage Fantasies

If you were given the power to change your marriage, what would you change?

What if like in the fairy stories you read as a child, the Fairy Godmother were to come to you and grant you three wishes for your marriage. What would you wish for?

* Would you wish for more money?
* Would you wish you could live somewhere else?
* Would you wish for a change in career?
* Would you wish for better physical qualities in yourself?
* Would you wish for a change in your spouse?
* Would you wish for more freedom?
* Would you wish to be marriage to someone else?

I want you to think about what pictures you have in your mind about what will make a perfect marriage. This should not be difficult to do, because you had those pictures in your mind when you were still single.

But now you are married, and I am sure that you found marriage was not what you expected it to be. All of those pictures that you had in your mind did not come to pass the way you expected them to.

Perhaps some of them did. Perhaps your spouse was all that you had hoped for. Perhaps he was tall dark and handsome, or whatever you imagined he would be like. Perhaps she was sexy and feminine just like you imagined your wife would be.

But after the wedding you found out things that you did not realize or see before. These things were not in your fantasy picture of what it would be like to be married.

Perhaps you saw other marriages that failed. Maybe you looked at your own parents and saw the problems that they had in their marriage. And you decided that your marriage was not going to be like that. You decided that you would never be like the other bad marriages you have seen.

But now as you look at your own marriage, you realize that you have fallen into the same trap, and your marriage is really no better than those whom you despised in the past.

Perhaps you expected your marriage to be like what you saw in your parents and other happy marriages. But it did not work out that way. You do not see your spouse behaving like you saw in your parents’ marriage.

The truth of the matter is that fantasy and reality very seldom come together into the same picture. And all the wonderful things that you imagined would happen when you got married just did not happen.

Ok that is the bad news. Now here is the good news.

You Can Change Your Marriage

There is something that you can do to change this. You can make your marriage a happy one like you had imagined it would be. You can create all the things that you had imagined and longed for. It is never too late.

I want you to hold onto your hope. Keep the picture clearly in your mind of what you earnestly desire your marriage to be. Do not allow yourself to be moved by what you see in reality, but continue to see in your heart the picture of the good marriage.

If you cannot think of what a good marriage should look like, then see if you can find another married couple who you think are living the kind of marriage you would like to have. Then use their marriage to create a picture of what you would really like in your marriage.

Once you have decided on how you want your marriage to look, you must present this picture to the Lord. You cannot ask Him to work in your situation unless you have a clear picture of what you desire.

To help you with this, try writing down all the things that you would like to see in your marriage. Words will help you to paint a clear picture of what you desire. Then read what you have written over several times, and make changes where you see you maybe left something out.

Once you have completed this, try reading out loud what you have written. When you begin to actually speak the words out loud, you will begin to see some pictures in your mind that will help you to see more clearly what you desire your marriage to be.

Imagine that you are to write a story about your marriage, and they are going to make this story into a movie. See very clearly how this movie would portray your happy marriage. Imagine yourself playing the role of you in the movie as an actor or actress.

You see, the main reason your marriage is not like your fantasy, is not because your fantasy was impossible. It is because you have stopped seeing the picture of what you desire. And now you have given up hope that your marriage could be like that. You have just accepted that in the real world, things like that do not happen.

THIS IS NOT TRUE!

Things like that can happen. And they will happen if you desire them strongly enough, and if you are able to believe that the Lord can work in your situation to bring the changes that are needed.

I am going to show you more in the next study about how to change your marriage and make it into the marriage of your dreams. But before I can take you to the next step, you must first do the project that I have given you here.

Write down what your marriage should look like. Write a story of a wonderful marriage, and put into it everything you ever desired for your marriage. Do not hold back anything. Include everything that you have desired, even the secret desires that you have perhaps never told your spouse about.

Then read it each day until that picture is very clear in your mind. But do not show it to your spouse yet. I will tell you later when it is time to show your desires to your spouse. For now, it is only between you and the Lord.

When we share again, I expect you to be very clear in your mind what you desire, and then I will show you how to begin to make your desires come true.